My Emotional Bursts

by - Friday, April 06, 2018


Today, I want to tell more about who I am. How I deal with people. How I solved all the problems that involved feelings. I learned many things that happened in my life for a reason. Somehow, the reasons that make it happened, it's hard for me to receive it well. Sometimes it's happened because of me, I can accept it. But why when something happened to others, they can't accept it and blame it on me. Why? If they really hate me too much, why care about me, why you befriend with me. You should just ignore me like everybody who does.

Mardhiyyah is a shy person. She hardly a talkative person. She had troubles in starting a conversation. But when she does, she means she trusts you and wants to depend on you when she needs it. Nowadays, she barely gives her trust to people that she just knows. You know why? Because she has broken many times with her trusted friends. She gives that person too many trusts including her secrets. But what she gets, humiliated and insulted by another friend. I don't ask too many things. The only things I want is trust and honesty. But I can't get it anywhere I go. 

That's why I don't have any close friends that I want to ask them out. A close friend where they will be there when you need it.  I'm not an arrogant person. But what happened in past affected me too much. Sometimes I wish that I could live in a fairytale. A story that everybody knows how it was ending. Happiness. <- A thing that I wish to have even for just a nick of time. I'm a sensitive girl. A girl that easily to cry when people scold her or watching a sad movie, scene or disaster. She is too fragile. That's why she easily broke. She likes a glass, broke many times, anger inside her heart, kept everything in her mind and forgives for everything that makes her broken. 

She prefers to be left alone and secluded herself in her room. Listening to music, reading her own horoscope and playing games. She does all that after her works every day. If the whole day is tiring and stressful, she would explode herself by crying alone in the middle of the night. When she woke up tomorrow, she wished that everything happened in her life was a dream. 

A dream that never came true. I know that we need to work hard in achieving a sweet dream. I'm not denying anything or blaming anyone. I just confessing to making more understandable people out there. This is who I am.

p/s: I want to find more ideas for updating the post but it makes me want to story more about my life. I hope you enjoyed it.

Mardhiyyah <3

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